


Say Shh...

by writersneverdie



Series: I beg your pardon, this is my secret garden [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Freshman Year, International Student, Lakes, M/M, Minnesota, University of Minnesota Golden Gophers Hockey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:32:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersneverdie/pseuds/writersneverdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you an international student, too?” Brendan asks him, maybe they can join the international club together. The kid just stares down at him. “I mean, I am an international student, so.” Nothing but stares. “I’m Brendan.” </p>
<p>After another pause, Brendan is ready to walk away because they are the only two left in the classroom and this is getting very awkward, very fast. </p>
<p>“Alex,” the guy finally says and holds a hand out for him to shake. “I’m from Wisconsin.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Shh...

SEPTEMBER

In his first class at the University of Minnesota as an international student, Brendan feels nothing like an outsider. He doesn’t know why he feels like his international student status will be printed on his forehead, and everyone will, therefore, treat him like he wasn’t a part of their club, but he does on his walk to his first class. 

Everything is green, everyone is wearing a backpack and every building seems to have a constant stream of people through it’s doors. It’s how college looks on every flyer, tv show and movie. Brendan wants to take his phone out to take a picture, send it to his parents back home in Canada, show them he made the right decision in choosing this over University back home. Instead he just continues walking, smiling at everyone he passes, even though they rarely smile back, and hoping, wishing, they let him join their ranks. 

The amount of students in his first class isn’t too overwhelming. And, once he’s halfway through freshman English, he realizes everyone in the classroom is new to this club. He can be whoever he wants to be, international student status or not, because he’s merely another fish in this giant ocean of newly freed and completely irresponsible “young adults.” 

As he’s packing up his backpack after class he decides to dive right in and start a conversation with the guy sitting next to him. He has been copying all the due dates and reading assignments from the syllabus into a planner the entire class period. Brendan doodles in the margins of his. Maybe they can become friends and he can teach Brendan how to be the organized student his teachers have trying to make him since grade 1. 

“Not as many papers as I was expecting,” Brendan says looking right at the kid. He’s taller than Brendan (most dudes are) and he’s got a very serious looking face. But, it also has a lot of baby left in it, even with the whiskers he’s growing along his sideburns.

“Yea, don’t think it will be too bad,” the guy says back to him in accented English. He thinks it might be a German accent, or maybe, actually, middle eastern. But, he doesn’t look middle eastern, so maybe German? Either way, the accent makes Brendan think he’s even more attractive than he is initially. 

“Are you an international student, too?” Brendan asks him, maybe they can join the international club together. The kid just stares down at him. “I mean, I am an international student, so.” Nothing but stares. “I’m Brendan.” 

After another pause, Brendan is ready to walk away because they are the only two left in the classroom and this is getting very awkward, very fast. 

“Alex,” the guy finally says and holds a hand out for him to shake. “I’m from Wisconsin.” 

“Right, sorry about that. I’m from Canada. Alberta, so excuse my, uh, cultural stupidity.” 

Alex nods his head at him and they start to exit the classroom. Once they get out the door Brendan turns to Alex and says, “See ya on Thursday,” and purposefully walks the opposite direction. 

He hopes the first conversation he starts in his next class goes better. His dad has always told him practice makes perfect. His game plan for Psych 101 is to talk to a girl, or at least a guy who he’s not attracted to on first glance. Getting laid is not his first priority, no matter what Matt, his ex, thinks-he just wants to meet new people and maybe hang out with some of them.   
_____

His roommate is a local kid whose mom is going to pick up his laundry every Friday afternoon. The first time she visits she’s armed with a bag a groceries, a new pillow and an extra laundry bag. 

“I’ll do yours, too,” she says to Brendan handing him the bag. “Since you mother is so far away.” 

Brendan smiles and says, “You really don’t have to, my parents gave me, like, 20 dollars in American quarters when they left.” 

“Save your money for something fun. Just put your stuff in this bag and I promise not to get the clothes mixed up.” Brendan isn’t in any position to continue arguing with this extremely nice lady, so he puts his laundry in the bag and says thank you a million times. 

After she finally leaves, he says to Nick, his roommate, “You’re mom is fucking awesome.” 

“I know,” Nick responds, “Got any big plans for this weekend?” 

“Not sure, was going to try to find some parties to go to-you have any leads?” Nick’s cool. He brought an X-Box, is easy to talk to, and isn’t a fucking weirdo like the guy across the hall. He feels bad for that kid’s roommate. 

“There’s something going down at one of the frats tomorrow night, might head that way. This chick from my bio class said a bunch of people are heading out to Lake Calhoun tomorrow during the day, too, if you are interested.” 

Brendan has heard about the lakes in Minneapolis, but hasn’t had the chance to see them yet because he hasn’t ventured much past campus. He’s wanted to see what they are all about, though. “Yea, man I would love to go,” he tells Nick. 

“Sweet, I was about to head over to eat,” Nick says, even though his mom just dropped off more than enough food for the weekend. 

“Dining hall?” 

“Yea, you coming?” 

“Oh, for sure,” Brendan says because his mom lectured him about using all his meals, and, as a bonus, he’s fucking bonding with his roommate. He’s great at college, so far. He never should have doubted himself on those days leading up to the big move.   
_____

The lake is fucking epic, or rather the lakes. There is a chain of them, right there in the middle of the city. Calhoun is where all the action happens, with the volleyball courts and the open space, but Harriett is calmer and has better boat rentals. He, Nick and some of the other guys from their dorm have been spending as much time there as possible before winter comes. Nick’s got a car, a nice one, so they all pile in and drive over whenever class gets out for the day. 

Brendan hasn’t talked much to Alex, the hot guy from his English class, but he’s made some other friends. He finds out that there isn’t too much of a difference between Canada and Minnesota, which he should have figured, but now that he’s living it, he gets it. Especially here at the U where hockey is important, winter is always imminent and people are very passively aggressively nice about everything. 

The environment, or the culture (which is anthropology teacher says at least 85 times per class period), is similar to back home, but Brendan feels different here. He’s on his own, self sufficient and as he’s told his sister, however dramatically, thriving. He’s only been in Minnesota for a grand total of three weeks, but this place makes him feel so capable. 

He didn’t leave Canada to get away from a boring town, or a shitty school, or an over protective family, so he feels a little bad sometimes when he’s talking to his mom or sisters. Because this place, the University, the streets and sidewalks, the lakes and the people feel good and right. 

This feeling is probably not unique to him, Brendan thinks, but he didn’t expect to feel this fantastically different.  
_____

He takes the bus down to run the lakes one afternoon because he is going a little stir crazy in his dorm room. Nick met a girl. Which means he is spending most of his time at her dorm lately. But, Brendan doesn’t mind taking the bus, gives him time to do his reading for English class. 

Once he gets to Lake Harriet, the second in the chain, he stops to fill up his water bottle at the pump near the bandstand. As he’s filling, he looks out on the lake and takes it in. The water is dark brown mixed with a faint blue. His dad used to always tell him about the healing powers of water. He’d tell all his players who had a hard workout to go home and take a long, hot shower. He’s never truly understood it until now, looking out on the lake. His dad had called this morning and offered to fly him home for Canadian thanksgiving, but he told them no, he’s fine, he doesn’t want to miss this. 

A guy runs by and Brendan does a double take because it looks like Alex from his English class. He wants to run after him, say hello, maybe finish the lake together, but Alex is running fast and has his headphones in his ears so Brendan decides to leave him alone. He does trail behind him, though, because the guy has a nice ass, it’s the ass that convinces him it’s Alex, and he’s never been one to shy away from checking out the things that peak his interest.   
_____

OCTOBER

During the first weekend of October, Brendan finds himself amidst his first college hook-up. He goes to a party with some girls from his psych class at some house and there is a guy there who is obviously interested in him. He’s fairly certain his name starts with a ‘P’ but the guy comes onto him fast. He’s hot and Brendan hasn’t hooked up with anyone since college started and he broke things off with his High School boyfriend, so he doesn’t ask many questions. They make out on a couch, then find a bathroom, then stick their hands in the others pants and now he’s walking back to his dorm in uncomfortable jeans trying to remember if his name was Paul, or Pete, or maybe Pat. 

When he gets back, he’s surprised to see that Nick is there. “Wow, buddy, looking a little wrecked,” he says as Brendan enters the room. 

“Yea, had to walk home from the party, couldn’t find the girls I went there with,” he says grabbing his shower shit because that’s what he needs right now, a shower, and to get out of these clothes. 

“Did you have a good time?” 

“Yea, definitely,” he says and then questions himself about whether he should tell Nick about the guy. Nick told him the first time he hooked up with someone, but this is different. 

“My girl went home for the weekend, so I’m kind of moping tonight,” Nick tells him. He thinks he should tell him about it, that he’s into dudes and that he had his first college hook up, because they’re roommates and he probably already knows. Or something. 

“Bummer,” Brendan says and makes his way to the door because he has everything together. “Can I tell you something?” he continues before opening the door. 

“Of course, man.” 

“I had my first college hook up at that party I just came back from, which is also why I walked back here,” he says with one hand on the door handle. 

“Yea? Nice! How was it?” Nick asks, sitting up in his bed. 

“It happened pretty quickly, you know, and I can’t exactly remember the guy’s name. I think it started with a ‘P’ but maybe not,” he says as casually as possible. 

Nick laughs, sounding unsurprised and genuinely amused by his story. “That good, huh?” 

Brendan laughs and says, “Yea, could have gone better, but he was hot, so that’s all that really matters, eh?” 

“For sure,” Nick says. He leaves the room with a weight he didn’t know was there lifted off his shoulders.   
_____

A week later, Brendan finds himself at the hockey house for one of their legendary hangs. It turns out that Nick was the captain of the state tournament winning High School hockey team in Minnesota last year, so he knows some of the guys on the Gophers. He’s a little star struck because he always played as a kid, he’s fucking Canadian, and part of the reason he chose Minnesota is because of the hockey team. So, it’s a little surreal to be hanging out with all of them on a Friday night. 

He walks into the garage and there is a huge crowd around a ping pong table set up for beer pong. He tries to make his way towards the front of the crowd because of he has a height disadvantage. He pushes himself around two big dudes to stand next to the chicks who are at the front and it allows him to see who is playing. On one end of the table is the captain and co-captain of the hockey team, P.K. Subban and Carey Price and on the other end is Prust-the T.A. from his psych class, and Alex from English class. What the fuck? This is the weirdest fucking group of people he’s ever seen.

He makes sure to whoop loud on the next shot Alex makes to draw attention to himself. It works, and Alex does a double take before cocking his eyebrow at him. Brendan smiles back at him and slightly shrugs his shoulders in an attempt to convey ‘crazy seeing you here’ at him. He thinks it works because Alex eventually smiles, small and fucking cute as hell, before focusing to make his next shot. 

Prusty, the T.A., and Alex lose spectacularly to the hockey players. Alex looks pissed, but Brendan can tell he perks up after P.K. and Carey do their famous triple low five on top of the table. 

He takes advantage of everyone being distracted from the show to sidle up right next to Alex and say, “Good game.” 

Alex turns to him, pauses while looking him over, and finally says, “Could have gone much better, eh?” 

Brendan can’t help but laugh and say, “Da” back at him which causes Alex to laugh with him. 

“Can I grab you a drink?” Brendan asks, brave with their shared laughter. “They’ve got a keg out back.”

Alex nods his head and follows him out of the garage to the back of the house. They make small talk about the unfair advantage during the beer pong game because Alex is convinced the floor of the garage is uneven. Once they make it to the keg, Brendan pours them each a cup and leads Alex over to a circle of chairs set up a few steps away. 

Once they sit down he continues with the theme and asks, “So how did you manage to get teamed up with Prusty, the T.A?” 

“Brandon? Oh, he runs this study group I’m in and he invited me to this party because he said I needed to be more social or some shit because he thinks all I do is study and run.” Brendan has contemplated joining the psych study group, but has decided against it because the one time he was going to head over, Nick comes in with a couple of friends and they need a 4th guy for MarioKart. So, he doesn’t go and he doesn’t think he can after missing the first meeting. 

“So is that all you do?” Brendan asks, smirking around his cup. He kind of hates that he can’t stop himself from smiling. 

Alex rolls his eyes, but Brendan can see his slightly curve into a smile, as well. “No, I do other things.” 

Brendan shakes his head to show Alex he believes him and they sit in a small silence. Each of them taking gulps of their drinks and staring at spaces right to the sides of each other faces. 

“You know I saw you running once,” says Brendan and instantly regrets what could be perceived as a creepy comment. But, he’s already committed so he continues with, “I love running around Harriet, too. Definitely the best in the chain.” 

“Yea,” Alex says and takes another sip of his beer. “Calhoun is longer and Lake of the Isles has sweet houses, but Harriet is the best of both worlds, I think.” 

“Couldn’t agree more,” he says and chugs his beer to hide the huge smile breaking out across his face. “You want another one?” 

Alex hands him his cup and Brendan goes back to the keg to refill. He thinks about how much game he has right now as he waits in the small line. Alex is letting him get multiple drinks for him and they have shit in common. He thinks this goes a long way in college interactions with people you’ve thought about having sex with before. One more drink and he might invite Alex to a room upstairs, or better yet, to hang out sometime with maybe some food involved. 

He fills their cups and tries to think of something smooth to say when he hands it to Alex. He’s settled on something about hockey. When he turns around to head back to the chairs, however, he sees Prusty, the fucking T.A., is seated in his chair. He’s telling some story to Alex, which he’s clearly enjoying, judging by the wattage his smile is projecting. Brendan walks over and hands Alex his cup. He gets a quick thanks and and small head nod from Prusty before he’s back into the story. 

Brendan spends the next 25 minutes nursing his cup of beer listening to some shitty story about the time Prusty actually beat P.K. and Pricey at beer pong before he excuses himself to find Nick to help him find something stronger than shitty fucking keg beer.   
_____

On the following class Alex waits until class is over to say something to him. “Did you have fun at the party?” 

“Yea,” Brendan says, purposefully short. 

“Cool,” Alex says back, shoulders slumping a little as he throws a book into his backpack. 

“Yea,” he repeats because his body is doing a thing where he can’t control how fast his heart is beating right now. Why is this stupid, simple conversation with this stupid, probably straight boy, doing this to him. 

“I guess I’ll see you on Thursday then?” Alex says, shoulders slumping as he throws a book into his backpack. 

“Yea,” Brendan says one more time. 

He didn’t see this coming in his second month of university. Unrequited feelings didn’t exactly fit in his otherwise idyllic experience so far.   
_____ 

October ends in a blur of too many drinking nights and two too many costume parties. It seems like a good idea to drink every other night leading up to mid-terms with the bro’s from his Speech class. His daily routine for the last 10 days of October is: aspirin, class, run, eat, drink, sleep. 

On the actual day of Halloween, Brendan is wearing the fucking cowboy costume for the 3rd time this week. He tried to wash it in the sink earlier in the day, but the splotches on his cowskin vest from his neighbor Ben’s vomit were stubborn mother fuckers. He thinks he’s worthy of a badge of fucking honor for helping that kid back to his room and not punching him in the face when he projectile vomited in the elevator. 

The party they end up at is at some frat house and Brendan has drank enough that he is actually acting like he is interested in all the sluttly costumes the girls are wearing. He’s conveniently not told this group of friends about his complete uninterest in girls, or what they are wearing, because he’s a fucking coward sometimes. Being out in high school, and to his roommate, and having hooked up with dudes at said parties, somehow doesn’t help him in this situation with the fucking Speech bro’s. 

He befriends them when they need a 4th person for their group project and Brendan is the closest, bro-iest looking dude. They get kicked out of the library 3 of the 5 times they go to work on their project. They also, somehow, always have their dorm room stocked with alcohol and they now always invite Brendan along because he does 70% of the work on their project and he has some weird sort of street cred for being Canadian. Minnesotan bro’s love Canadians. 

Once the conversation travels across the line into graphic territory, Brendan excuses himself to get another drink. He enters the kitchen and examines each of the bottles of alcohol lined up on the counter top. He is weighing his options when he feels a hand on his shoulder and someone say his name. 

He turns around and sees the guy from the first party, his first college hook up. “Brendan, right? Hey,” Patrick, or Paul, or Pete, says to him. He’s still fucking hot. He thinks maybe that’s why he can’t remember his name. 

“Yea! Hey!” he says back, hoping his enthusiasm makes up for the lack of saying his name. 

“How’s it going? I haven’t seen you since back at the beginning of the year,” hot guy says and Brendan has to figure out his name somehow. 

“I’m good, trying to pick my poison, here, you want something?” Hot guy nods his head. Brendan picks up the first thing that looks somewhat appetizing, and pours each of them a shot. 

They clink glasses and swallow the burn. After hot guy recovers, Brendan holds the bottle up to offer him another. 

“Oh no, man, I’m good, thanks.” 

Brendan wants to pour himself another, but doesn’t because he’s not fucking rude. “So, how are things going this semester?” he asks. 

“Good, yea, things are well.” Brendan nods his head, he can’t quite formulate a response back. 

“You want to, like,” hot guy says and motions to the stairs with his hands. 

He is weighing wanting to learn the kids name with his gut feeling to not want to hook up, but before he can respond one of his friends walks into the kitchen, loudly. 

“Bren, MAN, you just missed the sexy fucking nurse with the huge ass titties, I know you’ve been waiting for her!” 

When Brendan looks back at Patrick/Paul/Peter he gets the sassiest fucking eye roll he’s ever seen before he’s greeted with the back of hot guys head, which is somehow extremely hot, as well.

“What was that dude’s problem?” Craig, his bro, asks him. 

“No idea,” Brendan says pouring himself another shot. 

When he wakes up the next morning, Brendan feels shitty in more ways than one. He’s got a fucking mid-term he hasn’t studied for, his head is pounding, his stomach is protesting and, worst of all, he feels like a fucking coward. He’s ashamed. 

He fucking came out in high school. How has he stepped back into the closet? He fucking broke up with his boyfriend of three years to hookup with hot college guys and he suddenly he doesn’t want to hook up with a hottie who wants a round two. And, he can’t even remember the guys name because all that comes to mind when he thinks about hot dudes is “Alex.”   
_____

NOVEMBER

November starts and soon after midterms end. Brendan wises up and gets his act together enough after Halloween. He stops responding to any texts from the Speech bro’s and joins the psych study group. He thinks he pulls off semi-decent grades. He hopes. 

For the first time since he’s been in college, he feels a vague sense of homesicknesses. It might be the chill in the air or hearing all his classmates talking about going home for Thanksgiving. He knows it will pass, it’s natural, but he lets it get him down for a few afternoons. He takes the bus down to the lakes and walks around them, slowly and annoying to runners on the path being that he’s usually a runner on the path. But, he walks and looks out at the lake, tries to decide what house he would buy if he won the lottery and tries to let the water do it’s magic healing thing. 

He spends the entire bus ride back to campus feeling somewhat restored and zeros in on the one specific thing he is looking forward to. Which he is so fucking excited about the thought of it cures all his fall blues away. On Friday, he going to his first Gopher hockey game.   
_____

His pining for Alex has kind of increased tenfold because they are now having conversations before every English class and psych study group. It’s a little pathetic, how puppy dog eyed Brendan is for the kid. He hasn’t even had the desire to hook up with anyone else, to even try. And he can’t help it, he can’t stop, he’s tried. 

Nick tells him he needs to man up and say something to Alex, ask him for his number or to go to the library for a one on one tutoring session. Anything to stop Brendan from moping. 

“You’re a fucking sap, Gallagher,” says Nick, who spends multiple hours on the phone with his girlfriend when she goes home for two days. 

“Shut up, it’s just a crush, I’ll get over it,” he says unconvincingly. 

“A crush is sitting next to the hot girl in class, so to speak,” Nick replies grinning, “What you’ve got is: it bad.” 

“That makes no sense,” Brendan tells him, but he knows he’s right. Brendan might be a little unhealthily interested in a guy who he is 80% sure is either straight or uninterested in him. Something about Alex just feels different from the other dudes he’s hooked up with since he moved here. Hell, something about Alex feels different than Matt, his long term boyfriend. 

“I know what you should do.” Nick is perched on his bed in the most precarious of video game playing positions. Whenever he sits like this Brendan has the urge to kick him over, but he’s willing to listen to his advice. 

“What’s that?”

“You should invite him to come to the game on Friday, and to pre-game with us at Craig’s, get him loosened up and fucking pumped,” says Nick, without looking away from the television screen but still conveying to Brendan that this is the most revolutionary idea he’s ever had. 

“And, what? What, wait,” Brendan says because he doesn’t totally get it, plus Craig is a Speech bro and, you know, inviting the guy he wants to date to his place is a fucking horrible idea. “How will that get him to notice me?” 

“That’s the girliest fucking thing you have ever said to me, man.”

He’s got to admit, it is. “Yea, I mean, you’re right but, for real?” 

“Because, it’s alcohol and it’s hockey. I know you’re Canadian and everything but you don’t know what it like sitting in the student section at a Minnesota Golden Gophers hockey game. It’s fucking amazing, man. You’ll learn everything you need to know about the guy, and at the same time, be able to show him how much you want into his pants, trust me.” 

Brendan shakes his head because it still doesn’t make sense. He’s been to a lot of hockey games in his life, both playing and watching, and he’s never seen them as a place to convey to someone that you’re interested in them. 

Nick can sense his confusion. He pauses the game he’s playing, walks over to where Brendan is sitting at his desk and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Trust me, bro. Invite him, I’ll make sure he has a ticket.” 

Brendan can’t do anything but shrug his shoulders, “Okay, I’ll invite him.”   
_____

Alex readily accepts his invitation and Brendan’s stoked because he is at a level 15 on a 10 point scale of nervousness. He makes sure to keep the wording platonic sounding and Alex agrees to meet him at his and Nick’s dorm to walk over to Craig’s together. Nick slaps him on the ass when he tells him about it and tells him he’s, “Proud of you, bud. Knew you could do it.” 

He’s trying to convince Nick to paint their faces when Alex texts him to say he’s downstairs. “Guess we won’t have time for face paint, Alex’s here.” 

“Fucking bummer,” Nick responds. Brendan is wearing a knit gopher hat with ears, an old school Gopher hockey jersey his sister sent him for an early Christmas present and his nicest pair of jeans. Nick has on a brand new Minnesota sweatshirt, jeans and he spent 15 minutes doing his hair. Somehow in the last week, Brendan became the much more dedicated hockey fan, even though Nick spurned it all. 

“How do I look?” Brendan asks as they make their way down the 3 flights of stairs. 

“Like a beast,” Nick responds, genuinely. “You’re definitely getting laid tonight.” 

Brendan punches him on the shoulder and Nick hits him right back, just as hard. He’s still rubbing the sting out of his arm when Nick opens the door to a subtly dressed Alex. He’s wearing a U of M t-shirt but it can barely be seen under his coat. He’s got on jeans and tennis shoes. Brendan is obviously overdressed. 

“Looking good,” Alex says to him. Nick starts to laugh under his breath and Brendan is sure his face is turning red. “I like it, lots of spirit,” he continues and Brendan thinks he might actually be sincere. 

“Thanks. You definitely could have done better,” he says. “This is Nick, by the way. My roommate.” 

Nick holds his hand out and Alex shakes it. “Nice to meet you,” he tells Nick. Nick gives a small “Yea, you too,” back and Brendan breaths a sigh of relief. He could have said something way more embarrassing.   
____

The pre-gaming is a blur of too many people in a small space drinking too many shots. Brendan only decides to do 1 because he doesn’t want to blackout before the game begins. He’s not sure how many Alex does because they get pushed into different areas when they get into the room. He can see Alex talking with Ben and he looks happy enough. Brendan’s stuck having a half assed conversation with the only girl present about how hot the temperature of the room is and how the guy next to the green lamp looks like her English professor. 

People eventually start making their way out of the room to start the trek over to Mariucci and Brendan finds his way back to Nick and Alex. Nick hands them their tickets when they get off the transit bus and whispers in Brendan’s ear that he made sure he got him and Alex tickets together. 

“Don’t let anyone else sit in your seats,” he says on their way up to the arena. “Someone will try to force their way to your spot because those tickets are fucking sweet, but stand your ground.” 

“No problem at all,” says Alex confidently. He’s so much taller than Brendan, and it’s not hard to achieve that, but he can’t stop thinking about how hot Alex’s height over him is. 

“This guy will help you out, Bren, if someone is giving you trouble,” Nick says, small smirk on his face. 

“We need to hit up a local rink this winter, because once you see how I play hockey you’ll realize that I don’t need any help standing up for myself,” Brendan tells both Alex and Nick. “I’m a fucking annoying little bastard when I need to be.” 

“Well, I definitely need to see that,” say Alex, “I am in for pond hockey any time.” 

“Where did you find this kid?” Nick says, “He’s way too fucking cool for you.” 

Brendan punches Nick, hard, in the shoulder, and gets one back. “I will beat both of your asses at pond hockey. Just you wait.” 

“Whatever, Gallagher,” Nick says. 

Alex immediately echos, “Yea, Gallagher.” He then bumps their shoulder together and smiles down at him. 

Brendan can’t even feel Nick’s punch on his arm, all he can feel for the rest of the way to their seats is where Alex’s shoulder bumped into his.   
_____

The magic Nick spoke of starts 2 minutes and 47 seconds into the game, when the Gophers score their first of multiple goals. Everyone yells, gives high fives and chants M-I-N-N-E-S-O-T-A together in a beautiful unison. Alex looks a little confused at first but catches on quickly and has the brightest smile on as he and Brendan look at each other while yelling “EEEEHHHHH Gophers!” 

They score one more goal during the first and Alex is happy that he knows the drill now. He jumps up the moment the puck enters the net and goes in hard for the high five. Brendan’s never seen the kid so animated before. 

During first intermission, they quickly figure out that both of their dad’s work in hockey. Alex’s dad played professionally and Brendan’s coached for increasing bigger teams throughout his childhood. So, the two of them grew up in the ice rink in more ways than one. Brendan can’t believe how similar their stories are in so many ways. By the beginning of the second period, it feels as if he and Alex are the only ones in the rink, they are so focused on their own conversation. 

The loud sound of the air horn announcing the start of the second period returns their attention to the ice. The Gophers score two more goals in the 2nd and hugs have been traded for high fives in celebration. Brendan grudgingly thinks about how Nick is right about these hockey games. He’s learned a lot about Alex, and they’ve touched more tonight than Brendan could have imagined two people could while at a hockey game. 

There’s a minute left in the period when Nick nudges Brendan on the shoulder and wiggles his eyebrows up and down at him. Brendan rolls his eyes in response. Nick has been sitting a few rows back, so he has undoubtedly watched him and Alex throughout the game. 

“Great game, eh?” Brendan says to him. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Alex smiling over at him and slightly nodding his head. 

“Fucking great. You two seem to be enjoying it,” Nick says punching him lightly on the shoulder. He think Alex’s cheeks might have turned a few shades more pink, as he nods his head again. 

“How could you not enjoy this?” Brendan tells him, the clock is winding down and everyone is jumpy in their seats, deciding what they’re going to do once the buzzer rings. 

“Right on. Hey, so, I think I am going to head over to this party down at this house close to here, you guys want to come?” 

Brendan looks over at Alex because he wants to do whatever Alex wants to do. Alex searches his face for a few beats before speaking up. 

“I got study group in the morning so I think I am going to take it easy tonight, but feel free to go if you want, Bren,” he says earnestly. 

Brendan looks back up at Nick and says, “Have fun, let me know if you need me to come pick you up or anything, I am more or less stone cold sober.” 

Nick punches him and says, “Alright, man.” He’s got a huge smile on his face. He lightly hits Alex on the shoulder before he leaves and says, “See that his guys gets home safely from whatever the two of you decide to do.” 

Brendan rolls his eyes and yells, “I’m totally sober!” as Nick walks away. Brendan thinks he hears Nick yelling “I told you so!” back at him. He can only be referring to the so-called magic of a Gopher hockey game and Brendan can’t argue with him there. He does feel like he’s learned everything he needs to about Alex and that only leaves him in even deeper than he had been before the game. 

Alex looks over at him once the horn sounds and says, “I think your roommate,” and then pauses. Brendan tries to think up with what will come next, his mind racing like the slides on a slot machine where none of the images are ever going to match. 

Alex continues to struggle to get out what he wants to say, distracted by the local squirt team making their way out onto the ice. 

“Nick?” Brendan finally supplies. He wants to know what Alex has to say, anticipating it like he just showed his dad his report card and he’s waiting for a response. 

“Yea, uh, good guy.” Alex says, looking a little deflated. He looks disappointed with himself and Brendan obviously wants to that to change. 

“He’s pretty legit, but was there something else? You sounded like you were going to say something else.” The mini players are making their way around the ice, the Zamboni’s at the ready and the buzz of the arena evens out. In another part of Brendan’s brain, the part that isn’t completely consumed by Alex’s face and hands and the way he smells and the anticipation of what he’s going to say next, he thinks about how stoked those kids must be to be out there, on this ice. 

“Uh, yeah, no, he kind of gave me this weird look before he walked away” he gets out. “And he tapped me on the ass.” 

Brendan laughs and after a few beats Alex joins him. Of course, Nick gave Alex his version of a “go get ‘em” before walking away and, of course, Alex didn’t understand. 

The third period starts and it’s slow and boring for the first 10 minutes before the opposing team somehow ties it up with 3 goals in 5 minutes. It’s a real downer and the student section has replaced it’s enthusiasm with angry grunts of disapproval. 

The Gophers manage to draw a penalty, however, with 90 seconds left and everyone is back up and on their feet. Brendan starts jumping up and down in his place, partly to see over the guy standing in front of him but mostly because he’s nervous every time Minnesota gets possession of the puck. 

“Settle down, Gallagher,” Alex spits out with 10 seconds left in the game. Price has covered the puck, and then Lucia called a timeout to go over the play. And Brendan can’t stop jumping up and down. 

“They’re going to score,” he tells Alex and Brendan can tell right away that he doesn’t believe him. “Seriously, they are.” 

“We’ll see about that.” 

The ref drops the puck, the Gophers win possession and pass it back to P.K. who shoots an absolute beauty of a shot right over the goalie's shoulder and into the left corner of the net. 

Brendan jumps into the arms Alex has held out for him and yells, “I called it!!!” into Alex’s ear at least three times. 

“You were right,” Alex quietly says into his ear. He gets close enough for his lips to brush Brendan’s ear and all of the hairs on his body stand up. He releases himself from Alex’s grip in time to join in for O-T-A. He catches Alex’s eyes back as they yell “ehhhhhh Gophers” with huge grins and pink cheeks. 

He thinks Alex might have caught on to what Nick was trying to convey.  
_____

After an amped up bus ride back to campus, Alex agrees to come back to Brendan and Nick’s dorm room to play Nick’s XBox. It doesn’t take too much convincing on Brendan’s part, he suggests the low key activity knowing that Alex wants to get a decent amount of sleep. He has taken the lead on tomorrow’s class because Prust had something come up and Alex took AP Psych in High School.

They decide to play the Madden game Nick actually let Brendan start under his own name because he doesn’t want to risk making any changes to anything Nick has going on in the library of his other games. Alex seems satisfied with the choice and sits down close to Brendan on the bed. 

Two games in, it’s well after midnight and Alex is adorably punchy. The insults about Brendan’s game play stop making sense and his eyelids are drooped to an almost perfect state. Brendan gets up to grab a can of Coke from the mini-fridge Nick’s mom keeps stacked, and when he looks back at Alex to offer him something, he thinks that this might be his kryptonite. Alex tired and slouchy on his bed. T-shirt riding up to expose the hair along the bottom of his stomach.

“No caffeine for me,” he says when he manages to open his eyes big enough to see what Brendan is doing. “I should really go, be prepared, you know, responsible, and ready and, smart and shit tomorrow.” 

“You can crash here if you want. You looked super tired,” Brendan tells him because he can’t imagine Alex has the wits to walk the two blocks back to his dorm. “I don’t think Nick’s coming back.” 

“No, no, no, no,” Alex says getting up. “I’m alright, I will be okay. I’m Russian, you know.” 

Brendan’s not sure why that’s important in this situation, but he buys it. “Okay, I will see you at study group tomorrow.” 

Alex gets himself up and puts his coat on. “Thanks for inviting me to the game, Bren.” 

“Thanks for coming with me.” He wants to give him a hug goodbye, or at least a bro shake into a hug, or anything. 

Alex looks too tired to even being having thoughts as he walks across Brendan’s small dorm room. He stops, however, when he gets to the door and turns towards where Brendan is sitting. “Can I ask you something quick before I go?” Alex says, voice sounding more robust than his body language. 

“Of course,” Brendan tells him. 

“But, before I ask, I have to say this is more about me than you, this question. I mean the reason I am asking it is more about me than what I think about you,” Alex rambles. Brendan thinks that might actually be his kryptonite, the rambling.

“Just ask it, Alex, I won’t be offended, I promise,” he tells him because Alex has tapered off. 

“Are you, I mean, gay?” he says looking Brendan right in the eye. His eyes are still heavy with exhaustion. 

“Yea,” Brendan says confident, not second guessing at all, “I am.” 

“Okay, good, yea, cool. I will see you tomorrow.” He opens the door and doesn’t look back. 

Brendan waits 20 minutes and then texts Alex to make sure he got back. 

made it safe and sound. :) 

That’s the first smiley face Alex has ever sent him in a text message.   
_____

By the end of November, he and Alex have attended two more home games. They are even planning on taking a road trip up to St. Cloud to see their away game against the Huskies during the last weekend of the month. 

The subject of his, or Alex’s, sexual orientation has not yet come up in conversation. Even though Brendan wants to bring it up so bad. 

Alex gets use of Prusty’s car because he owed him one for running the study group. The car is surprisingly clean and smells nice. Alex says it’s because he’s got a seriously hot girlfriend and obviously needs to do anything he can to impress. 

The term road trip should be used loosely, Nick tells Brendan, because it’s only about an hour drive from campus. 

“An hour in the car with someone is a substantial amount of time,” Brendan tells him. “That is a lot of uninterrupted conversation you have to have.” He’s a bit nervous about the talking part of it because he’s convinced himself to bring up the one subject he’s been dying to ever since the night of the first hockey game. The subject Alex, in his sleepy bravery, had the guts to bring up and then avoid for the last 2 weeks. 

“For someone you want to have sex with, yes,” Nicks says grinning. He loves to tease Brendan about how bad he wants Alex. Every chance he gets, he takes. 

“You know I have hooked up with people since I met him, right? Like, I am not some deprived, under sexed weirdo.” 

“Yea, but you were always thinking about your manly, son of a pro-hockey player, precious Alex, weren’t you?” Brendan told Nick about how Alex had asked him if he was gay that night and what he thought it meant. He is convinced it means Alex is gay, too, and interested in him because he’s continued to actively try to hang out, but Brendan isn’t sure. 

“You know, the amount you talk about having sex with Alex, I am starting to think that maybe you want to hook up with him.” 

“If that were true, Bren, I would have tapped that ass two month ago.” 

Brendan throws his pillow across the room and hits the motherfucker square in the back of the head.   
_____

Nick’s right about it not being much of a road trip. It seems before the conversation starts to die down (Brendan’s plan: wait until there is a small silence, then break it with the question) there’s a sign telling them they are only 16 miles away. 

Alex has been telling him about his friends back in Russia, because he lived there for a handful of years, and Brendan thinks they are some of the funniest stories he’s ever heard. They are legitimately hilarious, and Alex’s friends sound awesome. He didn’t realize how much personality Alex has in him. He thought it was there, but he didn’t fully get to see it until he’s telling him these crazy stories. Shit that could only happen in Russia and Brendan is enthralled. Asking for further details and hitting Alex on the shoulder when he starts to laugh too hard. 

They pass another sign which tells him they are within 10 miles and he’s got to do it. He HAS to because Alex is even MORE and he keeps looking at Brendan’s lips when he momentarily looks over for them to laugh together. 

“Wait, wait, Alex, hold on,” he says in the middle of Alex’s latest story. He stops talking and looks over at Brendan, half smiling, inviting. “I have a question to ask you.”

“Ask away,” Alex tells him in the accent that started the whole mess Brendan’s got himself into. 

“I am only asking because you opened this door,” Brendan starts, pauses, then starts again with, “Are you gay?” 

Alex tenses, then blinks, then laughs-in that order. He might make some other facial expression in the interim, but Brendan has to look back at the road. “Of course I am, Brendan.” 

“Okay, good,” he says. He’s not sure why it is supposed to be obvious, because Brendan has been in a deep dark. 

“Why did you think I asked you, and invited you to all those games after, and text you all the time and, you know, flirt with you.” 

“Wait, you flirt with me?” 

“Of course! I sit right next to you when we play video games and put my hand on your leg when you need help, and I asked if you wanted me to bring you coffee to study group last weekend.” 

Brendan takes a second to take it in before responding. Another sign passes, indicating that Brendan should take the next exit to get to St. Cloud State University. 

“You seriously did not catch on?” Alex asks him once he gives Brendan time to digest. 

“Well, I mean, I hoped that was what was happening but, no, I didn’t know for sure, I guess,” Brendan tells him. 

Alex leans over the center console and kisses him on the cheek in, what Brendan thinks is an oddly sweet and completely innocent gesture. “I’ve kind of got it bad for you, Gally,” he says quietly as he backs away.

Brendan exits the highway and grips Alex’s leg tight. “I can’t even tell you how much, and how long I’ve been pining over you, holy shit.” 

Alex laughs and Brendan joins him. “Now that we’ve finally established that,” Alex says, “How the fuck do we get to this arena?” 

The exit ramp does not lead them into any sort of town, just a road which does not at all indicate which direction the city of St. Cloud might be in. 

“What does that sign say over there?” Brendan asks Alex. 

“I think it says to turn right. Hold on, just let me get my phone out,” Alex tells him and Brendan keeps his foot on the brake. There isn’t any cars behind them and Alex is struggling to get the phone out his pocket and he likes Brendan back. So, once Alex gets the phone out he decides to reach his body across the armrest and kiss Alex Galchenyuk right there, hard on the lips, at the end of the exit ramp in some small Minnesota town.   
_____

DECEMBER

The last month of his first semester of college begins with seeing a lot less of his newly established exclusive person he’s having sex with and has feelings about. Brendan knew from the first time he saw Alex how seriously he takes school but is bummed that finals coincide with the blossoming of their relationship. 

Alex will text him throughout the day whining about studying and wishes of luck on his tests, and he will meet him on campus for lunch in the 30 minute free period they have in the middle of the day. But, he won’t let Brendan come over to his dorm if he has a test the next day, and he won’t let him try to persuade him away from his computer with the lure of video games. It’s frustrating, in more ways than one. 

After enduring 8 whole days of upcoming tests, papers, speeches and actual tests, both Brendan and Alex have finished their final exams. They have 24 whole hours before Brendan needs to be at the airport to return to Canada for the next 3 weeks. Nick has already gone back home and because he’s such a nice guy, left Brendan a box of condoms on his sheet-less bed. 

He sends Brendan a text message a few hours after he leaves that reads: i hear that sheets are on clearance at target :). 

Genius fucking bastard. 

Alex shows up at his dorm with a toothbrush sticking out of his jacket pocket. 

“Planning on staying awhile?” Brendan says to him after he lets him in. 

“You can’t go 12 hours without brushing your teeth, okay?” Alex says and Brendan laughs. He takes the stairs two at a time to his room, hoping Alex will keep pace with him so he can tear the motherfucking winter coat off this kid as soon as possible. 

Alex keeps up and the moment the door closes Brendan rips the coat off his shoulders and kisses Alex, pushing their bodies as close together as possible. 

“Eager?” Alex says when they break for air. 

“You have no idea,” Brendan manages to get out as he pulls the t-shirt over his head. 

“I think I might,” he says reaching out to help Brendan with his pants. 

Alex tells him, later in Nick’s bed with the new sheets, that Brendan gave him the best blow job he’s ever had. He’s so earnest about the way he says it and Brendan fucking eats it up. The blow job Alex gave him in return is spectacular, as well, and he feels like he should go buy a lottery ticket because he’s the luckiest kid alive.   
_____

Sometime in the last 24 hours, Brendan is guessing it happens during the time he went to brush his teeth, Alex convinces Prust to let him borrow his car to drive Brendan to the airport. It’s a very sweet gesture with which Brendan rewards Alex one last mind blowing round of mutual orgasms. 

After, as they are lying back in Brendan’s bed, which he needs to take the sheets off of and throw in the hamper to wash when he gets back (he hopes they don’t smell so sexed that they someone escaped his hooded hamper and stink up his entire dorm room in his absence, but actually he doesn’t care about it THAT much at the present moment), he decides to ask Alex about what the next three weeks will be like. 

“I almost don’t want to go home,” he starts with because it’s true. Three weeks in an empty building with cable television and unlimited beds with Alex sounds slightly more appealing than Vancouver. 

“Yes, you do,” Alex returns. His parents, sister, and best friend, are coming to him. So, he doesn’t have to leave Minneapolis.

“I mean, yea, I do, but, you know,” he responds and grabs Alex’s hand beneath the covers. 

“I know, but, you’ll be back and I’ll be here, and there’s, like, Skype,” Alex tells him. They have maybe 45 more minutes before they need to leave and Brendan has to pack his carry on. 

“We’ll stay in touch, then?” Brendan asks. 

“Of course, stupid.”

“Okay, but. I shouldn’t, like, tell anyone about you, right? Like, I shouldn’t tell my mom and sisters that we’re seeing each other or anything?” This relationship is so new, and great. He doesn’t want to do anything to ruin it. 

Alex jumps across Brendan and out of the bed. He starts picking up his clothes which are scattered across the floor. “You can tell them whatever you want,” he finally says as he is putting his pants on. 

Brendan doesn’t know how to respond at first. His skin is suddenly cold and prickly in the spots where Alex had been touching him. “Oh, alright,” he says, rolling over and spreading out. 

“We should think about leaving sometime soon, so we can pick some food up on the way,” Alex tells him, now fully dressed and toothbrush in hand. 

“Yea, just give me a minute.” 

Alex shrugs his shoulders at him and leaves the room. When he returns, he kisses Brendan with a minty fresh mouth which does it’s intended job and perks Brendan up out of bed motivating him to pack his carry on, lips tingling with the feeling of Alex on them.   
_____

Being back in Canada feels incredibly weird. Brendan wishes he could think of another way to describe it, but he’s failing at finding the right words. Because, here in Canada, it’s where he grew up. These streets are the ones which supported him throughout his life and this city is the one that shaped him into the guy that is able to leave and go to America. But, he feels like the moment he steps back into Canada, Minnesota is suddenly a distant memory, not something he had just experienced. And, he’s not sure how he feels about it. Weird, is the only word he can come up with.

Weird, and like he’s someone different. In the same way it felt when he first got to Minnesota and he felt like he abandoned his old Canadian self. But, now it is the other way around.

He spends the first couple of days spending his time with his sisters and parents. He goes and hangs with his dad down at the rink, skates around with him after practice is over, filling him in on his classes, Nick, Gopher games, the lakes. 

He and Alex text. They have plans to Skype on his 4th day back home when one of his sisters busts into his room and tells him his cousin Charlie is coming over and they are watching Happy Gilmore because it’s their thing. The thing they used to do every day during summer break, so he can’t say no. Alex understands because he can’t wait until his best friend from Russia gets into town (he’s coming tomorrow) and they settle for shirtless mirror pictures instead. 

It isn’t until after Christmas that Brendan hangs out with all his buddies. Someone finally has the wherewithal to clean their basement and send out a facebook message inviting everyone over. 

Matt will be there and that’s cool. Brendan can handle it. He’s hooked up with at least, like, 3 guys in Minnesota, and there’s Alex. That’s a lot of distance he’s put between himself and Matt. Plus, he broke up with him. Matt has a new boyfriend and Brendan has Alex, whatever that means.

When he first sees him, 2 hours and 3 drinks into the basement hang, Brendan gets that feeling again. The one of Canada Brendan v. Minnesota Brendan because Canada Brendan is with Matt. Even though Canada Brendan broke up with Matt even before Minnesota Brendan existed. Somehow this whole fucking week has Brendan’s entire head jumbled into a North American turf war. 

“Hey,” is the first word Matt says to him and Brendan responds by giving him a hug. It’s timid and experimental. When he inhales, though, the smell of him is neither of those things and he squeezes a little harder. 

“You look good,” Brendan says once he pulls away, smiling and yearning to sit back down on the couch. 

“You look,” Matt says, pausing. “American,” he finally finishes and Brendan uncomfortably laughs. 

“Uh, thanks?” he says and gestures to the couch, “You wanna sit down and catch up?” 

Matt looks at the couch, then at Brendan, then around the room. “I would love to, but I just came in here to get more drinks for Brady and I, so I should get back.” 

“Brady, yea, right, of course,” Brendan says. He knows that is Matt’s new boyfriend, he’s seen the pictures of them on Facebook. He never felt much when he looked at them from behind the screen in Minneapolis. If anything he felt glad, happy for Matt. Brady looks like a good guy, and Matt deserves it. “You always were good at doing what you said.” 

Matt laughs and puts a hand on Brendan shoulder. “It’s nice to see you though, it’s looks like you’ve been having fun down in Minnesota, eh?” 

“Yea, yea, I have. It’s great. I love it there. Truly.” 

“Awesome, I’m glad. Truly.” 

Matt takes the hand that is on Brendan’s shoulder and brings it up to his face for a moment, half smiling then pulling away. He grabs two drinks from the cooler on his way out of the room. 

Brendan doesn’t see him again that night, except from afar as the two of them make their way out of the party, holding hands and hurried. He spends the rest of the party snap chatting Alex a picture of every person he can find wearing a flannel shirt with the caption “you know you’re in Canada when…” He talks to all his friends from high school, telling them about life in the U.S. and asking them about what they’ve been up to. It’s nice, he thinks, to talk to these guys.

Alex responds to his snap chats throughout the night with a picture of his mom, or his dad, or his sister, or his best friend Nail who has finally arrived from Russia. His last picture is of an empty space on the couch captioned “wish you were here.” 

He chews on that one. Digests it with an upturn of his lips and a tiny butterfly in his stomach. It means something, he knows. It’s what he didn’t know he’d been waiting for. 

He convinces his sister to come pick him up because he can’t deal with having to stay any longer and he’s too drunk to drive home. He thanks her a million times on the way home, and she looks over at him and tells him she owes him, fondly and full of love. 

They head to the kitchen when they get home to eat a bowl of cereal because this isn’t the first time he’s made Erin come pick him up in the middle of the night, and this is what they do. 

When Erin opens up the door to the refrigerator to grab the milk, light floods upon her making her a polestar in their dark kitchen. Brendan pulls out his phone and says, “E, wait, stay there.” 

Erin looks back at him, “Are you taking a picture of me?” 

“Yea,” Brendan says snapping the photo, “I’m gonna send it to my boyfriend Alex and tell him you’re the best sister ever, because he thinks his sister is the best.” 

She grabs the milk and brings it to the counter where they are, “Boyfriend, eh?” 

“Yea,” he says, “Sorry I didn’t tell you until now, I just, wasn’t sure.” 

Erin pauses a second, pouring her own milk and taking a bite, “You know you can always tell me shit, Bren.” Her mouth is full of crunch berries and Brendan doesn’t want to fix the mistake of her understanding. 

“I know,” he tells her. 

In this moment, Canada Brendan and Minnesota Brendan finally feel like the same person.   
_____


End file.
